Now let's not deny it. Being a mummy is a messy job. It involves a copious amount of poo, wee, sick and god knows how many other fluids. So I decided to put a list together of all the things we do on a daily basis which would be considered disgusting by many. Even so, I bet we'd all say we wouldn't have it any other way :)
1) Pick out bogeys from our babies' noses with our bare hands
Honestly, there is a real sense of satisfaction when your baby has a clear nose all because of you. Until a few hours later when they suddenly reappear.
2) Sniff your baby's bottom, wherever you are, even in public.
You've been there. You've just started your rounds in the supermarket. You catch a whiff of something which you pray is the contents of the baby's nappy in the trolley opposite you and not your own. You do the subtle sniff around the baby's nappy area to check. Let's be honest though, sometimes we have to lift our baby right up and out of the trolley and take in a big sniff just to be sure.
3) Everything becomes about poo.
You go out on a baby free evening with your friends but 10 minutes in you are discussing poo over your curry including the smell, texture and size. Much to the disgust of the poor young couple who are trying to enjoy their date night across the table.
4) You have, on many occasions, gone to the toilet with your baby watching.
Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes when your baby is attached to you all day and you just can't hold on anymore, you stick them in a bouncer/bumbo/sling/ lap and finally let go. RELIEF.
5) You use words like poonami and jumperpoo but then you realised you are talking to your non mummy friends and they look at you like you are a freak.
When you become a mother, you take on a whole new language. Often you'll be chatting to a non mummy friend and realise you've been talking about how it took 30 minutes to clean up your baby's "poonami" they did in the jumperoo ( yes because they'll know exactly what that is....) Fun times for them.
6) Catching your baby's sick in your hands/mouth.
Sometimes it is unexpected. Sometimes you do it just to prevent a giant stain on the carpet. Either way, we've all done it at least once. I can actually say, unfortunately, I once had to catch diarrhoea in my hand. The fact I was trying to save my favourite dress is beside the point.
7) You wash with baby wipes and wear old clothes because you just can't be arsed.
Sometimes having a shower or bath is a complete luxury, especially with a newborn. Often a quick wash down with baby wipes is all you can manage. Sometimes you realise your leggings still have sick marks from yesterday on but you just don't have the energy to wash them. Don't be ashamed. You are not alone.
8) You've widened the boundaries when it comes to hygiene. Whoops.
You drop a dummy on the floor, give it a quick wipe and back to your baby. You drop a piece of toast on the floor, but you apply the 20 second rule. Don't deny it.
9) You do to your baby what you HATED being done to you as a child.
You see a mark on your baby's face, you spit on your finger and wipe it off. And you won't stop until that damn mark gets off.
10) You've had pee, poo and purée over your bed sheets, yet you still don't change them. A baby wipes cures all and then it's good to go.
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