The less you care, the happier you'll be x

This week has been a week of reflections. Taking a look at myself, why I think the way I do and what is truly holding me back from being happy. Someone once said, "Depression is not a flaw in character but in chemistry" and no other quote could be more appropriate for me this week. No one choses to be depressed but I can choose to feel better. In essence, a part of me will always feel "low" because sometimes no matter how much medication you take or counselling you have, there is something on your chemistry that you just cannot change. What needs to be done is to accept that it is there but it doesn't define you. It can be in the background and sure, it may surface sometimes but it will go away again. 

I've found myself trying to appreciate the small every day "ordinary" things rather than dwelling on negatives, whose let me down and stopped asking myself questions like, "Why is this happening to me?" And feeling self pity. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to feel sorry for yourself, I've done it on so many occasions but sometimes you need to take a step back and look at all that is good in your life. Everyone has something, whether that be an amazing talent, job, partner, mother, friend, father, child, home....I'm lucky to have many of those. So what are these every day ordinary things? For me, it is seeing the smile on my daughters face. For every smile she gives me, I get a boost which keeps me going. Even better when it is me who put it there. Or when something just goes my way. A sweet text from my husband. A funny tv show, an amazing piece of chocolate cake. I love these things. 

Another quote I love is "the less you care, the happier you'll be" which is exactly the frame of mind I need to be having. Since having Matilda especially, friends have come and gone and I've spent too much time reflecting and worrying and feeling upset. Instead I should be moving on, realising that obviously they are the ones with the problem and they are missing out on being my friend. Likewise, I've had so many family members let me down, surprisingly since Matilda was born. So many words but no actions but who cares? They sure don't. So I've finally moved on, I've missed out on nothing. They, on the other hand, have missed seeing me get married, seeing a beautiful baby grow into the most special little girl. I get to have all these things. And I get to have people there who truly love and care about us. I've made some amazing new friends in the past year, who've made me realise what true friendship means.

So, having done my reflection, now it's time to keep going and keep strong. Not expecting too much is key, I know I will have bad days. I know I will have days where I want to cry, scream, shout because everything is just too hard. But as long as I can sit down at the end of the day and say "I made it through, tomorrow will be better" then I'm doing it right. Xxx

I love her...

I love her because she laughs and smiles at the silliest of things but hearing that laugh just fills me with so much joy.

I love her because she can find so much fun in something so simple.

I love her because when she is tired she lets me cuddle her, a real proper cuddle and when she nestles her head into to my shoulder I feel so wanted and loved.

I love her because she is so small and sometimes when I hold her in my arms, I can close my eyes and just for a second, it feels like she is a newborn again.

I love how she gets so excited about bath time, kicking her legs and beaming from ear to ear.

I love her because she listens and she never judges, even though she hasn't a clue what I'm saying.

I love how I can be horrible, moody, grouchy with her and yet she always forgives me.

I love the way she wants to do everything herself, even though she hasn't quite got there yet.

I love how everywhere I go, people stop to say how beautiful she is, it makes me feel so proud.

I love how when I blow her kisses, she blows them back.

I love her because even at 5am, she can be so full of fun and joy and even though I may not feel the same, it is wonderful to see.

I love how the first word she said was mamma and when she says it, she looks so happy.

I love how quiet and peaceful she is during our dream feed, sometimes I sit there with her lying on me and it feels like we are the only two people in the whole world.

I love how her eyes light up when her favourite characters come on the TV.

I love how when I'm sad, all she had to do is smile and I feel like I can keep going.

I love the way she sleeps on her tummy with her head to the side, just like me.

I love that every morning when I wake up, I see her face through the cot bars and she pops her head up, always making me laugh.

I love how when she looks up at me, her eyes are filled with so much love for me, her mother.

I love her because she loves me unconditionally. Flaws and all.

I love her because she is my Tilly. So perfect and so precious.

We're moving!

For the past few weeks, Michael and I have been flat hunting and we've found somewhere, yay! Currently we live with my mum, in fact I've always lived with my mum so moving out will be a big step for me. But now being a mother and a married woman, I'm excited to have my own home and for Tilly to have her own nursery! Me and my mum are very close so I will miss her lots but thankfully we are only moving about 30-40 minutes away. Finding something affordable in SW London has been really difficult, I've seen prices sky rocket in the past year and now, in our area, it can cost at least £1,400 a month for a 2 bedroom flat. 

So we decided to look in cheaper (but still nice) areas that are more on the outskirts and New Malden really appealed to us. It's close enough to get one bus to my work, my mum and Tilly's nursery but also easier for Michael to get to work too. It's not the most "buzzing" or trendiest of areas but to be honest, that is not us. New Malden has great shops, excellent schools, nice playgrounds, a train station which links to Clapham Junction and Waterloo....oh and a giant Krispy Kreme (that's not the reason we are moving here....honest). 

We've now put the deposit down on the flat and it is really nice. It's in a great location only 5-10 minutes from the centre of town and is in a nice, clean, friendly looking block-rather different to where I am now! We loved the size of the living room and the bedrooms and good storage with our own garage and loft. Also what sold it for us were the communal gardens which are beautiful and very large. So lots of space for Tilly to play and to have picnics etc! I am so excited! 

Now I have lots of ideas for decoration, I already have a lot of stuff but now Tilly has her own room, I can really get creative! We also have our own balcony so it would be nice to have a table and chairs and plants outside. We move on on the 9th August and three weeks later I am back to work and my maternity leave is officially over. I honestly can't believe it has gone so fast but thankfully it is mornings only so I get to be with Tilly all afternoon. I will miss her and I won't lie, I'm not looking forward to going back and I'm very anxious. However the move will take my mind off everything! We are really lucky to have help with the move so hopefully it will be stress free. Then the Dommett household will be complete :) xoxo

A married woman...

Well I've officially been married nearly 2 weeks. To say the day went well is an understatement. I never expected it to go smoothly, I thought I would be stressed, overwhelmed and it would pour with rain. Well, actually it DID pour but I didn't let that ruin it for me one bit. It's true what I was told, I was so wrapped up on how wonderful the day was that I didn't even notice and I actually remembered (god knows how) to bring a pretty white umbrella with me for any outside photos.

I remember feeling incredibly nervous, waiting for Michael outside the registry office. I really wanted him to think I looked beautiful. When I saw him come around the corner, his face lit up and I couldn't believe how handsome he looked in his suit. Thankfully, Michael thought I looked wonderful so it was a job well done and we made our way to the waiting room whilst the anxiety built up. When it was just us outside the room, everyone waiting for us, it hit me that we were about to become husband and wife. 

I'd been waiting for this moment for so many years and I wanted to slow time down. I wanted that moment, where everyone watched us declare our love to eachother, to last forever. Hearing that we were officially married and Michael's arms scooping me into a giant bear hug was a moment of pure and utter happiness. It was his way of saying, we are in this together, whatever life throws at us. As I read a poem I had selected (and it took me a long time to find the perfect one) to Michael, I tried to force myself not to cry but I couldn't help it. The poem said everything I had always wanted to say to the man who had saved me, made me a better person and I wanted to thank him in front of everybody. We exchanged rings and we kissed and we did the traditional walking out to confetti being thrown at us. It was simple and unfancy but a fairytale to me. 

The reception was just what we wanted, not too over the top, amazing food and people we cared about under one roof. We kept things as simple and as cheap as we could but making sure everyone was happy, had someone to talk to and lots of cake to eat. I honestly had one of the best days of my life and I'm sure Michael would say the same. I just love being Mrs Dommett and to have our darling Matilda there, as part of the memories....the photos, everything....well it just confirmed the reason why we always wanted a child first before we got married. Michael and I are not one for tradition anyway!

And all of this was done so incredibly cheaply. I'm sure Michael won't mind me saying that pretty much most of the organisation was down to me. It took a lot of research, knowing kind people, simplifying everything to make it work. We have little money but yet we still had the perfect day. I had many people ask me how we did it on such a low budget....well would you like to know?

Over the next few blog posts I'm going to talk about how we managed to have a lovely wedding day for under 1k hopefully encouraging those who want to get married but think they can't afford it! Don't get me wrong though, we wouldn't have been able to do this without a lot of genoristy from family and friends so having a network of people around you is always massively helpful.

The Dress

I always knew I wouldn't be able to get an expensive dress. I ummed and ahhhed at so many dresses, returning, buying, returning again. I had a maximum budget of £150 so I took to websites such as Ebay, Amazon and high street stores. Personally, for me, I didn't want to use a company in China because no matter how cheap, I couldn't guarantee the size and style would be what I wanted and I wasn't willing to take the risk. However it can be an amazingly cheap way of getting a dress but shop around in High Street stores first because there can be some great bargains.

 In the end I went for the Sofia Dress from BHS which cost £100 and it really is exactly what I wanted....classy, simply, vintage lace style. I found BHS and Debenhams to be of the most value and you can get dresses for as little as £80. If you can afford a little more, say £300+ then shops such as Coast, Monsoon and Phase Eight are fantastic. Also a few times a year, stores have sales-sign up to mailing lists so you know straight away. I got so many compliments on my dress and it made me feel special but also comfortable, that is what you need to look for.

The flowers

 To save money I went for artifical flowers rather than fresh. Also the venue we booked had fresh flowers on the day. We also used artifical flowers for the wedding reception too (from good old poundland) and they cost around £8. This beautiful bouquet I bought from a company on Ebay, they were £15 and I think they are stunning plus the benefit is I can keep them forever as a momento. 

The ring

This was probably one of the least important things to do us, because at the end of the day I believe as long as the ring feels and looks right, it doesn't matter how many diamonds or how expensive it is. I decided to go against the norm and not get a traditional band. I wanted something a little different and for excellent cheap prices, both Michael and I went for Amazon. My ring, which is 9 carat gold was the grand total of £40 but to me, it means a lot because of the three hearts representing me Michael and Matilda. To save money I'd also suggest websites such as Etsy or Ebay although it does help to obviously try on a ring first. That's why I chose Amazon as they have such an easy return service. Also there are second hand jewellery shops everywhere so you can see them for yourself.

The cake

Again, to save money, me and Michael decided to not go for a traditional wedding cake. We decided to get gorgeous big gateaux cakes instead and two large ones cost us £70 and they went down well. They were absolutely delicious and there was lots left over (urmmm may have helped finish that off). We bought them from a chain of shops from Patesserie Valerie, who also do reasonably priced wedding cakes too. We decided to also have a plain sponge to put our cake topper in (which was £10 from Ebay) so that anyone who didn't like the gateaux could have something plainer!

Stay tuned for more wedding saving tips and mummy posts :) xoxo