The less you care, the happier you'll be x

This week has been a week of reflections. Taking a look at myself, why I think the way I do and what is truly holding me back from being happy. Someone once said, "Depression is not a flaw in character but in chemistry" and no other quote could be more appropriate for me this week. No one choses to be depressed but I can choose to feel better. In essence, a part of me will always feel "low" because sometimes no matter how much medication you take or counselling you have, there is something on your chemistry that you just cannot change. What needs to be done is to accept that it is there but it doesn't define you. It can be in the background and sure, it may surface sometimes but it will go away again. 

I've found myself trying to appreciate the small every day "ordinary" things rather than dwelling on negatives, whose let me down and stopped asking myself questions like, "Why is this happening to me?" And feeling self pity. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to feel sorry for yourself, I've done it on so many occasions but sometimes you need to take a step back and look at all that is good in your life. Everyone has something, whether that be an amazing talent, job, partner, mother, friend, father, child, home....I'm lucky to have many of those. So what are these every day ordinary things? For me, it is seeing the smile on my daughters face. For every smile she gives me, I get a boost which keeps me going. Even better when it is me who put it there. Or when something just goes my way. A sweet text from my husband. A funny tv show, an amazing piece of chocolate cake. I love these things. 

Another quote I love is "the less you care, the happier you'll be" which is exactly the frame of mind I need to be having. Since having Matilda especially, friends have come and gone and I've spent too much time reflecting and worrying and feeling upset. Instead I should be moving on, realising that obviously they are the ones with the problem and they are missing out on being my friend. Likewise, I've had so many family members let me down, surprisingly since Matilda was born. So many words but no actions but who cares? They sure don't. So I've finally moved on, I've missed out on nothing. They, on the other hand, have missed seeing me get married, seeing a beautiful baby grow into the most special little girl. I get to have all these things. And I get to have people there who truly love and care about us. I've made some amazing new friends in the past year, who've made me realise what true friendship means.

So, having done my reflection, now it's time to keep going and keep strong. Not expecting too much is key, I know I will have bad days. I know I will have days where I want to cry, scream, shout because everything is just too hard. But as long as I can sit down at the end of the day and say "I made it through, tomorrow will be better" then I'm doing it right. Xxx